Why?

My heart is heavy tonight. I found out that a little boy (12 years old) that attends my church died this evening. I don't know the full extent of the situation other than he had a a seizure this afternoon and then went to the E.R.

Death is always sad, but when it happens to a child it seems to be infinitely sadder. Children aren't supposed to die. I wasn't very close with the family, but my church is a small community and when one us hurts, we all heart.  I feel broken for them and I don't know how to even imagine what they are going through.

We take things in life for granted so easily. Waking up tomorrow, seeing my family, going to work, drinking my coffee with creamer, I assume all of these things will happen. I rely on that consistency. But life is not consistent. It is not reliable. It's short. And sometimes it's harsh.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my pastor started a series on prayer this week at church. Prayer is such a mysterious and complex topic. I can't do the sermon justice but I will try to paint a picture of the multitude of prayers he shared with us. He went through a list of miracles that God has performed in his life including the birth of his son and the removal of a wart on his finger. In my own life I've experienced the miracle of the credential program (for me at least, the fact that I've survived and passed all my TPA's is a miracle). I've also seen God protect my family and provide for me to travel to Japan.

But sometimes it feels like our prayers go unanswered and unheard. And I'm not referring to any Garth Brooks song. Why did this boy die today? How can God heal warts and help me persevere through TPA's and yet take a child before his 13th birthday? How is that right or fair or good?

I know there isn't an easy answer to any of this. I'm not even asking for one. I just feel a need to put my question out to the universe as to the justice of this all. I remember when my aunt died in 2004. She was my uncle's second wife but I loved her. She was one of those cool adults who actually paid attention to the kids in the family. She made my uncle a better person. She died of pulmonary embolism one night in April. Suddenly. No warning. Just gone.

We come to God in our joy and in our sorrows. Sometimes we have a laundry list of demands or a song of praise. And sometimes all we can do is say, "why?" God isn't obligated to answer us. I think on one level we really have no right to know let alone ask. But we are relational human beings with a need to understand. We are trying to make sense of this. It doesn't make sense.

I don't have a way to rationalize this. I'm going to get ready for bed and try to sleep and pray for the family. I  don't really know what to pray for. But I will try. Maybe tomorrow the words will come. Maybe. 

Happy Halloween!

I just realized two months have gone by since my last post. I can't even begin to put into words how BUSY life is now. There is SO much work each week. I'm writing lesson plans 1-2 weeks in advance, grading mountains of schoolwork and somewhere in there also hacking away at TPA #4. The 3rd one is turned in and hopefully being adjudicated as worthy of passing.


Halloween is on Monday. This is one of my hated/loved holidays. I love fall and all the festivities that are attached to it. Changing leaves, warm clothes, pumpkin pie, baking. I could go on and on. I love this time of year. Halloween gets roped into that and I do love pumpkins. I don't always love the actual holiday though because I'm so bad at creating good costumes. I just don't have that creative edge. My Halloween costumes are often recycled uniforms, pajamas or last minute (throw on a headband with felt cat ears...hey I'm a cat!) Last night I went to Mickey's Halloween Party (at Disneyland) and was blown away by the commitment and creativity that people put towards their uniforms. Half of them probably just went to the Disney store, but a lot of people went ALL out. My fav by far was a group that dressed up as Kevin, Russell, and Mr. Fredricksen.


Normally I avoid all the parties and stay at home. I usually have grading or work to do anyways. I couple of times I venture out and wear black and orange. This year, however, I will be at school on Halloween for the first time in 6 years. I'm seriously considering pulling off the Harry Potter character look although I'm vacillating between Luna (I have the hair) and Hermione (I have the scarf). To pull off Luna, I need a new HP scarf...which means my hooks may come out this weekend (TALK ABOUT LAST MINUTE!) To be Hermione, I just have to ignore the fact that I'm not brunette. It's a bit lame, I admit, but I don't have time to dye and/or find a wig. I don't know what it says about me that I DO think there's time to crochet a scarf.


Well my student's papers are giving me the evil eye ("grade me!") so I shall bid you adieu. Perhaps by Christmas I'll update as to which HP persona I went for :)

A Fresh Start

I love a new school year. This is the time of year that most means renewal to me. Perhaps it is the change in the weather: sharp, crisp air; autumn leaves; the scent of chimney fires. I love the squeak of new shoes. I love when Joe Fox (Tom Hanks/You’ve Got Mail) says this about the fall, “It makes me wanna buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.” A new school year means new beginnings and chance to achieve once more. New teachers, new students, new subjects, new clothes and new school supplies, it all makes me giddy with anticipation :)

This weekend I reorganized my closet (slacks & skirts on one side, dresses and tops on the other). I vacuumed. I cleared off my desk and set my 7th & 8th grade sections. I washed my sheets and made my bed. My books are alphabetized and my calendar is color-coordinated. It all screams clean and ready to go!

Today I worked on prepping for new school year. I read The First Days of School (well most of it—I’ll read a bit more tomorrow). I started making a list of all my to-do’s before next Wednesday. It keeps growing no matter how much I get done! I have my classroom management/discipline plan mostly done. Honestly I am really anxious for the school year to start. I can’t wait to meet my kids and getting started teaching. I don’t want January to come even though that means I’ll be getting my credential because it also means I won’t be teaching anymore unless I get a job right away.

Until then, I shall enjoy this fresh start of new beginnings :)

Summer may be ending, but my enthusiasm and joy is increasing!

Time for some updating madness!! So I survived my bout of unexplained-insomnia (okay okay I really need to cut off the coffee after 2pm). I worked at my scheduling concern. Apparently my professor is just a bit lazy and is also a fan of the “send to all” button, but whateves school starts in like 4 days!! Yes, I’m the nerd that gets excited about the first day of school. :)
Yesterday I met with my MT to discuss the fall semester—now that starts in a little less than two weeks (Aug 31) and to be honest I am WAY more excited about that than my university classes. I’M GOING TO BE A TEACHER!!! And my MT is so awesome, she doesn’t want to be in the classroom. She wants me to feel like this is MY job. I LOVE it!!! Now here’s for the crazy part…I will be teaching TWO prep’s next semester: 7^th AND 8^th grade language arts!!! She had to make some scheduling changes and the 8^th grade department head agreed to take me on as a student teacher. Which is awesome and scary all at the same time :D I have my pile of textbooks to start going through and prepping and omg this is actually happening!
To top off the awesomeness, last week I went to my first FYA book club! We met at this awesome hotel lobby bar that had delicious drinks and yummy snacks (garlic fries!). We chatted for a good TWO hours about Young Adult literature and why it is changing the world. Haha. I think we spent about 20 minutes on the actually book of choice (Beauty Queens by Libba Bray) and the rest of the time on, “have you read this book?” “You HAVE to read this one—it will change your life.” AND, AND one of the ladies brought FREE BOOKS!!! Yes you heard me right!! I believe they were all from BEA, but she is also blessed to have a lot of literature come through her home on a daily basis and she felt like sharing with us. How awesome is that???
Today I shall be gleeking out with a good friend. Did you know there is a Glee movie? In 3D? !!!!!!!! I shall give a recap when I get home :D

Glee 3D Movie Trailer!!!

Sleep is for the weak…or the sleepy. I would like to be either right now!

Every now and then I am plagued with “insomnia.” I’m not sure if it’s a legit kind or just a I-drank-my-coffee-too-late-in-the-day kind. Probably the latter. But I spent the weekend without my coffee and now I’m a little obsessed and experiencing a need to consume as much of it as possible in case I’m separated from it again.

I’m not really stressing out about anything—aside from potential class registration mishaps. Really that’s more of an irritation. I know nothing’s wrong aside from the fact that someone else thinks that something is wrong so now I have to deal with it. Confusing? Welcome to state schools. Since it’s 2 in the morning and I have nothing better to do, let’s tell the tale shall we?

My university sent a snarky email to my professor who in turn sent a snarky email to me about my class registration for the fall semester. I don’t know if she blind copied my class or just sent it me. Her message was this: register for your fall classes. As if I haven’t already taken care of this. I would like to call SHENANIGANS on my university for their poor attention to me as a student.

I LOVE registering for classes. In the past, as soon as I got my registration date, I inked it into my calendar. I looked forward to the day with joy. I poured over the class schedule (when they still printed it). I made spreadsheets (and I hate excel) about potential schedules. If professors were listed, I would scan professor rating sites to help guide my decisions. When the date and time FINALLY arrived, I sat at my computer hitting refresh until my portal finally opened. Then I gleefully searched and added classes like a kid in a candy store.

This semester was a no different—at least in my attitude. I didn’t get to pick my schedule. It’s determined by the university for all cred students. Our classes are offered at one time with one section. Since there are only 12 students in the English program, it makes complete sense. This time I was also unable to register as soon as my portal opened. I was flying on an airplane. But you can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as I touched down (really once I got home) I was logging on to take care of that shizz (and loving it).

This all happened one MONTH ago. It’s on my damn portal that everything is taken care of. And yet I’m still getting emails about my lack of responsibility. Awesome, right?

In other news, I started a new crochet project! I’ve basically been working on it all summer but I recently ripped it out (did I mention I’m a perfectionist?) and started over. I’m making a beautiful shrug (I think that’s the worst name on the planet for an article of clothing) with Homespun Lagoon (also not the best name for a yarn hue). But vocabulary aside, the yarn is a gorgeous shade of blue with hints of purple & brown. The “shrug” will make a great jacket to add to outfits in the fall. Honestly though, once this shrug and my mittens are done, it’s off to Harry Potter land. I REALLY want to make something HP and soon!!!

Decorating…disaster or delight?

After all my cookies were baked, it was time to make them look cute :) Since youtube is a highly reliable source, I watched a few videos on cookie icing technique. Although I could tell it was difficult, I figured it wasn’t impossible. To be fair, I’m cheap and I don’t plan on doing this again. Well at least not anytime soon. Anyway, it didn’t make sense to go all out and purchase any tips or fancy bags or things like that. I honestly whipped up some royal icing, dumped it in a ziplock bag, cut the edge off and voila: icing bag.

Due to my lack of experience, limit on product, and amateur tools, I was met with a few issues. I had planned to ice the square part of the cookie in white and then do the “1” in blue (per my neighbor’s request). The first batch of icing was REALLY watery mostly cause I just poured the suggested amount from the recipe. LESSON LEARNED: add water slowly to powdered sugar/merengue until desired consistency is reached!!  Anyway, here are my cookies after the first round of icing:

Kind of messy…I know.

Next I outlined the “1:”

After I filled them in, I was…dissatisfied. They were “okay” but just looked a little haphazard; as though I’d let my *10-year-old niece do the decorating.

So I got a little creative and made them more “me.” When it comes to my “art,” I don’t like to follow the rules or be very detail oriented. I’m more a free-spirit if you will. I like to create impressions instead of specific images. I used the extra icing to do this:

Here’s a close-up

 
Just a nice personalizing touch I like to do when I seal the bags (also tip #3 from ms.-baker-extraordinaire). I used the font “Jokerman” and printed these on address labels.


Ready to be delivered!

And the final verdict? The family loved them! They were very pleased and my sister, boyfriend and mother all approved. My dad just wanted to eat them. I made about a dozen extra so he did get to taste them and I got a thumbs up for that!

In conclusion, cookie decorating is very fun albeit very stressful. A lot depends on timing and just doing it right the first time. I think I prefer to eat them instead :) My sister can be the pastry chef and I’ll stick to teaching!

On a side note, I cut my hair today and donated 10” to Pantene Beautiful Lengths. My hair feels sooo short right now—it stops right above my shoulders, but I LOVE it. Another bonus is the ease of styling it which will come in handy this fall. One less thing to worry about in the midst of student teaching!

*disclaimer: I do not have a niece.

Cookie Completion!

I am so proud of myself! I actually baked, decorated, and delivered two dozen cookies AND they weren’t too terrible looking!! My sis even called them “cute.” YES!!! Here’s the rest of the story…

After rolling out the dough (between parchment paper) I put all of it in the fridge overnight. This is tip #2 from ms.-baker-extraordinaire. It’s easiest to work with sugar cookie dough when it is cold. The best way to achieve this is to roll it out and THEN put it in the fridge. This hardens the dough and makes it easier to work with, PLUS you don’t need to use flour to keep it from sticking. Bonus for me as that means I won’t make more of a mess :)

I purchased a cookie cutter in the shape of a “1” earlier in the week, but it was kind of small and I felt like I was jipping the family. The sister suggested I make a square cookie and put the “1” on top of that. perfect! I used a index card (that I cut down to 3 x 3) to make my square. Now for the fun part. Most people would probably bake them separately and then “glue” the pieces together with frosting. Not me! I learned this nifty little trick from high school ceramics. If you score the cookies and add a dab of water where you want them to connect, they fuse together and become one cookie! Confused? Here’s my process:

 
 Make notches on the cookies where you want them to be fused. In my case on the back of the “1” and the front of the square. Using your fingers, dab some water on top of the notches. They don’t need to be soaked- just a little wet.

Set the top cookie where the notches are. Press down lightly- you don’t want to squish it, just make sure they are connected.

That’s it! Just bake and…

  TAH-DA!

After I made a dozen cookies I realized I did not have enough dough to complete my project. And as I was housesitting, I’d brought the exact amount of ingredients I needed with me. And they didn’t have flour or baking powder. Sigh. Back to the store and home again. Finally at about 8:30pm I had the last batch in the oven. I was wiped. Thank goodness for the Project Runway marathon!

last batches!

I made a smiley face with the leftover dough :)

At that point, I felt it was acceptable to take a break and go see Cars 2 with the boy. I absolutely LOVED Cars 1 so it’s safe to say that I went bonkers with the sequel. Like literally bouncing in my seat. clapping. gasping. it was ridiculous.

I’ll follow up with the decorating details!