My Next Book Shall Be Called:

Unraveling of a Substitute's Mind 

or

How To Piss Off the Substitute Teacher in 5 Easy Steps

The list of asinine things a student will do when they have a substitute teacher is endless. It never ceases to amaze me what they try to get away with or how they think they can treat me.

I could write a book.

Any teacher could. If the just had the time. If you knew all the things that students say and do and how we teachers handle it (plus ya know, teaching…at the same time?) I think you would go out and hug all your previous teachers.

Something to know about us:

TEACHER ARE PEOPLE.

*stepping off soapbox now*

Or maybe back on. I had a sub job today. I was at a high school. The subject was biology. I’m an English major, but even I can press play on the VCR (we went old-school today).

Apparently I set my expectations WAY too high for the behavior of tenth-graders. I mean, really, it was absolutely ridiculous that I thought they should sit at their desks. Obviously, they need to move around during the entire period because they will NEVER EVER have to sit still for an hour. EVER.

None of them will ever have desk jobs, or go to movies, or sit in airplanes, or go on long car rides. I wonder how they play video games. Maybe they do jumping jacks while they shoot at their opponent. And yet childhood obesity is rising?

Now, I know movie days can be boring especially when they are *gasp* EDUCATIONAL. Can you believe this nonsense happens IN A SCHOOL? Madness.

Taking notes during said video—I’m aware that this is synonymous with Chinese water torture or getting cancer or any other horrific thing that you can come up with. I get that being forced to take notes is JUST NOT FAIR. I guess mentioning the fact that life is not fair is not helpful here?

So when I told students to take notes while watching the video, I know I should have expected nothing less than the behavior I got today including: changing seats, talking to their neighbor, giggling, cursing, hiding other people’s notebooks, texting, sleeping, walking around the classroom, walking into the supply room and my favorite: arguing with the teacher, stealing your referral slip and walking out of the classroom fifteen minutes before the bell rings.

Awe-inspiring isn’t it? I can’t wait till these geniuses are running our country! I hope I’m living anywhere else or dead when THAT happens.

Oh and the star student that walked out with his referral slip? Yeah, I just grabbed anther one of MY STACK OF BLANK REFERRAL SLIPS and filled it out and turned it into the attendance office. Ohhhh, what now??