Happy New Year!

It’s New Year’s Eve!! Yay!

This is the first year I’ve spent the holiday by myself. My parents are out of town and most of my friends had previous plans or didn’t feel like going out (I didn’t either!) Some people might think it’s pathetic to spend NYE alone, but I don’t mind it. I get to watch a marathon of Harry Potter movies and eat my favorite foods. Tonight I made Jalapeno Popper Chicken (recipe review to come…I think). I also love the freedom to reflect on this past year and think about the year to come.

To be honest, I’m happy to see 2012 end. It was a rough year.

Waiting: Week Three~ish

I have to say I am coming off of a wonderful weekend. My best friend (hi Erin!) was here for 3 days before leaving me to go back to Oregon. We had a blast at another friend’s “goodbye bash,” a baby shower, and a girls game night. I got very little sleep and drank a lot of coffee but those are my favorite times. And I’m pretty sure I’ll be having another one of those weekends in just three days. I will be flying to Oregon for my sister’s graduation!

I’m absolutely positive I will get not enough sleep, but will get to spend precious, precious time with my beautiful sister. So far I’ve been promised a fancy caramel making session, wine tasting in the Willamette Valley, dinner at her fancy pants restaurant, and lots of uber closeness that will drive her bananas. :)

On top of that, God continues to patiently teach me about the process of waiting and I’m surprisingly finding more & more joy as I continue to pursue Him.

My wonderful journey continued with last week’s post: http://www.heirswithchrist.com/2012/10/15-free-to-fail-so-dont-wait.html

I was drawn to this quote from the above blog: “Cynicism masquerades as strength. We build buttresses made of negative promises. Arrows can’t pierce nonexistent dreams.”

while I’m waiting…

The providence of God’s timing is—of lately—been something that has frustrated me, which I shall explain in a moment .

However, this morning I couldn’t help but notice a bit of perfect timing in my life. And now that I think about it, if it weren’t for my current circumstances I might not have noticed all this in the first place!

Browsing on pinterest this morning lead me to this blog: http://www.heirswithchrist.com/ and to this post: http://www.heirswithchrist.com/2012/09/what-are-you-waiting-for_30.html

What am I waiting for?? Oh, where to begin! There are so many things in my life that aren’t “done” or are not “where they should be.” Reading through this post, I was struck by the fact that I’m not alone. Perhaps this obvious to others, but a lot of times I feel like everyone else's life is so together and then there's little ol' me: still waiting. Today, I was reminded that everyone is waiting for something.

Why?

My heart is heavy tonight. I found out that a little boy (12 years old) that attends my church died this evening. I don't know the full extent of the situation other than he had a a seizure this afternoon and then went to the E.R.

Death is always sad, but when it happens to a child it seems to be infinitely sadder. Children aren't supposed to die. I wasn't very close with the family, but my church is a small community and when one us hurts, we all heart.  I feel broken for them and I don't know how to even imagine what they are going through.

We take things in life for granted so easily. Waking up tomorrow, seeing my family, going to work, drinking my coffee with creamer, I assume all of these things will happen. I rely on that consistency. But life is not consistent. It is not reliable. It's short. And sometimes it's harsh.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my pastor started a series on prayer this week at church. Prayer is such a mysterious and complex topic. I can't do the sermon justice but I will try to paint a picture of the multitude of prayers he shared with us. He went through a list of miracles that God has performed in his life including the birth of his son and the removal of a wart on his finger. In my own life I've experienced the miracle of the credential program (for me at least, the fact that I've survived and passed all my TPA's is a miracle). I've also seen God protect my family and provide for me to travel to Japan.

But sometimes it feels like our prayers go unanswered and unheard. And I'm not referring to any Garth Brooks song. Why did this boy die today? How can God heal warts and help me persevere through TPA's and yet take a child before his 13th birthday? How is that right or fair or good?

I know there isn't an easy answer to any of this. I'm not even asking for one. I just feel a need to put my question out to the universe as to the justice of this all. I remember when my aunt died in 2004. She was my uncle's second wife but I loved her. She was one of those cool adults who actually paid attention to the kids in the family. She made my uncle a better person. She died of pulmonary embolism one night in April. Suddenly. No warning. Just gone.

We come to God in our joy and in our sorrows. Sometimes we have a laundry list of demands or a song of praise. And sometimes all we can do is say, "why?" God isn't obligated to answer us. I think on one level we really have no right to know let alone ask. But we are relational human beings with a need to understand. We are trying to make sense of this. It doesn't make sense.

I don't have a way to rationalize this. I'm going to get ready for bed and try to sleep and pray for the family. I  don't really know what to pray for. But I will try. Maybe tomorrow the words will come. Maybe.