I went a walk today. It was nice to get out and walk around. I think I pulled something in my leg sometime in the past week so now I have my knee all wrapped up in an ace bandage and I look like an invalid as I limp around my house. awesome.
Funny story about that ace bandage. I've had it forever. I probably bought it when I was in guard and getting injured every other week. I've lost both the clasps that come with an ace bandage. The thing is currently safety-pinned to my leg. Classy, right?
Something I've been thinking about recently is duality. I find that I tend to exist in sort of a paradoxical state. Fancy sounding right? Paradox just means two statements that are both true but contradict each other at the same time. I find that I'm often wanting two opposite things at the same time. Maybe that's just the human condition. But I find I often desire a particular circumstance and then once I get it I want nothing more than to get out of it. For example, sometimes I'll be so exhausted from my day that all I want to do is curl up in my bed and watch Project Runway while eating ice cream. Except I can't because I have some sort of event or appointment to report to. And then that thing will get cancelled and I'll have the whole evening to myself and all I want to do is hang out with someone. I'm a mess aren't I?
Recently I'm dealing with the fact that I really don't want to talk about something that I need to talk about. Sounds confusing, right? Basically I want someone to ask me about my issues and let me talk about them. But I don't want them to ask me because then I have to acknowledge the fact that I need to talk to someone. And that there is something wrong. Part of me likes having the strong front that life is wonderful and I am happy. Okay, all of me likes that. But there is still a core part of my being that longs for someone to look at me and say I can tell you're not okay and I'm here for you.
